Noodling

My Telephone Bill Adventure Part 3

After my relieved conversation with Mr. M in the Philippeans I thought my work of getting rid of the unwanted phone lines was done, and, to make it even better, the bill would be "zeroed out" and I'd not need to pay anything at all.

The conversation with Mr. M. was in early March, and I kept on getting bills, as he said I would. And, as told to, I ignored them, but with a teeny bit of concern about it.

A week later, on Friday, the 10th of March, I was relieved to receive an email message from Judy at Verizon Business (still MCI, though) that said:

"This is just to let you know that your disconnect order is in process.  The approximate due date is 3/20/06 with a bill stop date of 3/16/06."

Because I'd had such a difficult time getting untangled from MCI so far, I replied to Judy with the following message:

"Thanks, Judy,

I'd like a confirmation also that the account balance has been zeroed out. I was told by MCI's service rep to indicate that should be done."

Judy replied:

"Pat,

I am unable to do anything with the billing on the accounts.  Once the order completes you will need to call customer service to have them assist you.  The automatic credits take 1 to 2 billing cycles to generate.

Judy"

My next communication from MCI was a letter from MCI Customer Financial Services, dated April 17 (more than two weeks after the lines were to be disconnected per my request, confirmed by Judy) informing me that I now owed $511.12 and if I didn't pay $462.87 (I have no idea why they didn't want the whole amount) by the 27th of the month my phone lines would be disconnected for non payment.

Well, maybe this is just more of the left hand having no idea what the right one is doing at MCI , I thought, so I waited a bit more to see if those bills would stop, as Mr. M. had said they would.

But then, in July, I got a phone call on my voice mail from a collection agency. I called them back and found that MCI had sent my bill to a collection agency in Illinois. I explained the whole thing, first to Ms. K. and then to her supervisor. At first they insisted they couldn't do anything about the situation, but then gave me a phone number for a service rep at MCI that I should call to straighten it out.

The phone number turned out to be for some other place entirely. But I slogged on, and managed to talk to a service rep, Ms. C. at MCI who eventually found my account, (I was on hold for an hour. I timed it this time) and said there was a note on it, written by Mr. M. ordering the discontinuing of service, but that there was no mentioning of him requesting the account be zeroed out. She also said that since it had gone to a collection agency she could do nothing to help me, that I'd have to deal exclusively with the collection agency.

July 17, I talk to T. at the collection agency, and she says they will request invoices from MCI and call me in a week.

July 21, call from K. at the collection agency. They haven't received the invoices yet from MCI, they will probably call me next week. They don't call, MCI can't find my account again.

I decide to take it to Michigan's Public Service Commission. I make a formal complaint. The person helping me, Ms. W. does her thing, she appeals to MCI's top complaint person.

I correspond with MCI's top complaint person, Ice Princess, Ms. L. via email. She replies to my detailed account of the situation with a message that gets almost all the facts wrong. She's blowing me off, doesn't even bother to respond to what's actually happened.

She denies my request, says the bills will stand, but, being sweet and generous, she'll knock off the charges for the last two months of the time I was billed for. It's a slap in the face. (Later, they're back on again.)

The Public Service Commission rep tells me she can do nothing more.

I tell the collection agency, and the Public Service Commission rep, that it appears that, basically, my credit rating is being held hostage by MCI, that they know I should not be required to pay these charges, nor have the bill sent to a collection agency, but they don't give a d***. It's probably a budget thing, they deny all requests, no matter how fair and just they are, because it makes the supervisor's budget look better.

They say, yeah, that's basically it.

But, I'm eventually vindicated, because a service rep at MCI, I'm not even going to give her initials, tells me during one of my many calls to try to clear this up that there IS a note on my account after all about Mr. M. requesting that my bill be zeroed out, it's right there on the computer screen. And, she says, the request was denied. They just didn't bother to tell me that.

Maybe they were lying before, or, maybe that's something that was added later--though I doubt it.

In the end, after many more months, having exhausted every option except trying to reach the president of MCI, who would have referred it back to the I-don't-give-a-damn-and-I-want-to-make-it-clear-that-I-don't Ice Princess, I decided I'd wasted more than enough time on it. If I'd been paid for my time MCI would have owed me much more than they insisted I owed them (though I got varying amounts as to what that actually was).

The bill was, by then, with a different collection agency. They evidently send it to another one after awhile if the first one hasn't collected. My husband said to me, "Why don't you offer to settle with them for part of the bill?" So, I did. I asked the really nice lady at the agency, over the phone, would she settle for half? She surely would! I gave her my credit card number, and she snail mailed me a receipt saying it was paid in full, which you'd better believe I've kept for proof.

I told her the short version of my story, and that I'd pursued it this far because I didn't want to let the Wookie win. But, it wasn't worth it anymore.

And that's the end of my Telephone Bill Adventure. At least I hope so.

What did I learn?

1. Open your mail. Or, at least give it more than a casual glance when you think it's just junk mail.

2. Read your credit card statements carefully. It may look like it's the same old monthly charges, but make sure.

3. Big corporations gobble up other corporations and businesses, and become huge unwieldy, inefficient, mistake prone mega businesses. You have to watch them and get out of the way, go elsewhere if you can.

4. Acquisitive corporations have large numbers of poorly supervised, don't care about the customer employees. They haven't weeded them out because the corporations aren't service oriented, nor customer oriented. They are profit oriented. Makes a big difference.

5. Avoid doing business with businesses who do a poor job serving you.

6. Don't buy stock in companies that have poor customer service policies and practices. Even though they may appear to be profitable at the present, eventually they will decline because you can't run a business well over time without caring for your customers.

7. Call the help lines for any business you are considering hiring to work for you. If they aren't satisfying, go elsewhere.

8. Don't give up too quickly, keep going up the chain of command until you get satisfaction if it's a just and fair request.

9. Keep written records of your correspondence. Date everything. Keep notes on phone calls. Keep email printouts, and the original email messages in their own folder in your email software program.

10. Know when to quit.

My Telephone Bill Adventure Part 2

So, since I knew (so I thought) that I had been automatically paying my phone bills via credit card, and didn't have an account with MCI, I figured I'd just call them and tell them there must be some mistake.

First, though, I checked my old credit card statements, and found that the phone bills for my two extra phone lines hadn't been charged to the credit card for around a year. I didn't know why, but assumed I'd have to pay the charges. So, I called the number on the bill to talk to MCI about paying what I owed, and to cancel the lines since I didn't need either anymore, and hadn't used one of them for over a year, and the other only a handful of times for FAXing.

I thought this was a good lesson for me to pay more attention to my credit card statements, and not put off canceling things that cost me money whether I'm using them or not. Simple solution, easily done, I'd call right away. And so I did.

But, the person who answered the phone at MCI said, after I waited on hold for awhile, that she couldn't find my account. She said no such account existed. I said, "It's right here on the statement, how could it not exist?" She said she could not find it. After I'd waited a considerable amount of time for the MCI rep to find it, and she'd given up, I said I'd call back later when I had more time to devote to the job, and got off the phone.

I'm not sure how many times over the following months I called MCI and tried to cancel the phones. It may have only been that one time, but I think I called one, probably two more times with the same results. Time passed, as they say, and I got more bills, each one larger as MCI added a new month's worth of charges. I thought it ironic that they could keep on charging me for something I wasn't using, couldn't cancel, for an account they said didn't exist.

One day I decided to take care of the situation no matter how long it took and how long I had to stay on the phone, and how many people I had to talk to to get the phones canceled and stop the bills coming. It was late morning when I made my first call that day to the number on the bill.

They, of course, could not find the account. I was prepared for that, I asked to speak to their supervisor. For hours and hours I told my story to reps, supervisors and their supervisors in Asia where MCI outsources their help lines.

Some of the reps' English was none too good, and I'd have to excuse myself, get off the line, and call back hoping to talk to someone else. Or, I'd just say I couldn't understand them and ask to talk to another rep.

There was a whole long set of hurdles I'd have to navigate with each transfer and/or each new call (sometimes they'd give me another number to call, sometimes I'd be left on the line, sometimes I'd get disconnected, sometimes I'd reach a dead end and have to start all over again with another call to the same or yet another 800 number). First, I'd get a recording, cheery and perky, asking for my phone number, and they'd "check the line" and report that there did not seem to be a problem with it. Then there would be other options presented to me, via the recorded helper, I'd go through the audio mailboxes and prompts, jump through the hoops, and eventually reach a real person, albeit, one far away, who could not understand me very well, and I couldn't understand them very well either.

For example, they'd ask me for my first name, probably so they could mention it at regular intervals as some sort of rote friendliness factor. One woman in the Phillipeans, where most of the reps seemed to be (I eventually took to asking where each one was, just out of curiosity) asked me my name and I told her it was Pat. She thereafter, through the whole conversation called me "Bat." A tiny bit disconcerting to be repeatedly addressed as Bat, and not at all adding to the friendly ambiance it was supposed to create.

This process went on for hours. I'd think I was actually getting somewhere, but, no, sorry, they, after exhausting all their questions, attempting to solve all the problems they were trained to solve, and that I didn't have, would give up, as would their supervisors, and I'd be shifted via transfer (after waiting on hold for a considerable time while they briefed the next person to talk to me, or whatever else they needed to do) to someone who I'd have to either tell my long story to, or try to correct the errors in the one they'd been told by their predecessor.

My husband came into the room several times during the afternoon to see if I was making headway, and the sun went down as it became evening. It got to be some sort of marathon challenge. I was determined to get it settled--cancel the lines, and stop the charges. I've tried to estimate how long I was on the phone that day trying to get the lines canceled. It was at least five hours, probably eight.

Then, amazingly, I hit pay dirt. I landed on Mr L. Mendoza's phone line in the Phillipeans. He was like a drink of cool water on a hot day. He spoke English perfectly, he was delightfully friendly and not a rote or stilted thing came out of his mouth. A real person.

And he said the magic words, he knew where to find my account. He said the problem was that the Brooks Fiber Com accounts had been incorporated into a section of MCI's small business division, and that most of the reps wouldn't know to search for my account there. But, he, among the few, did know where it was.

He pulled it up on his computer screen, issued an order for the lines to be disconnected, and said because I'd essentially not used the lines for the year the bills were accumulating and I'd had to spend so much time and effort getting the lines canceled, he was going to request that my account be "zeroed out." He said, "Don't pay the bill, and don't pay the next one either. It may take a couple of months for this to go through MCI's system, so if you get a bill or two, just ignore them."

I thanked him profusely, and got off the phone happy, happy, and relieved! Problem solved, and even better than I hoped.

Or, so I thought.

                                 

My Telephone Bill Adventure, Part 1

It's kind of a long story, so I'll write it over the space of several posts. I don't know if the story is over, but I think maybe it is, almost.

I've wondered whether to use the real name of the telephone companies involved and the real names of the people I dealt with. I'm thinking I'll share the company names, but give the employees fictional names to protect their jobs. Some of them don't deserve to have them protected, but others do.

What follows is what happened, reported to the best of my ability to reconstruct it from what I remember, my notes, and the letters, bills, and email messages I received.

Several years ago I ordered two phone lines from a small phone company, Brooks Fiber Communications, that had recently become available locally and was pretty inexpensive. I wanted a line to use for my computer dial up connection, and another line for my fax machine and 800 number, over which I hoped to receive orders for my books. (I'm a writer and micro publisher, mostly reprinting my own books previously published by large publishers.)

After awhile I set up the billing to be paid automatically by credit card. I scarcely looked at the bills at all, knowing it was pretty much flat rate charges from month to month.

After a few years, we got DSL for the computer connection, but I didn't cancel the phone line I'd previously used because I was still using the other line once in awhile and being a bit of a put-it- off'er it was easy to allow that task to be one of those that I'd do later. I wondered from time to time if I was getting enough use from the fax/800 number line to be worth keeping it, and that also contributed to my not canceling them. 

Time passed, and I kept on paying the bills because it was automatic, and I just didn't think of those questionable phone lines very often.

I'm not sure when I happened to notice a letter from Verizon/MCI that made me curious. I may have received other letters before from MCI, but since I had no accounts with that company I would have tossed them into the trash unopened thinking they were more junk mail offering me phone service. I didn't open mail from Verizon because I always paid the bill for my cell phone online, the only account that I had with Verizon. Why I opened this one I'm not quite sure, but what I saw shocked me. It said I owed MCI hundreds of dollars! What?! How was this possible? I didn't even have an account with MCI.

New Blog: Shining A Light On Patriarchy and "Complementarianism"

I've created another blog. Yes, I know, there are a lot of them. And I wasn't going to do it, but I feel compelled to, so I did. It's about patriarchy, heirarchicalism, and "complementarianism," those female destroying and female crippling beliefs that provide a fertile ground for the trash crop of abuse.

I have no desire to try to change the minds of patriarchicalists, nor any of the others who believe and teach that females aren't to be allowed equal access to opportunity. I don't mind if they believe something like that.

What I do mind is for both males and females to be victimized by those beliefs through ignorance. I also mind people outside those groups being victimized by the practices of patirarchicalists and other hierarchalists.

It has always bothered me to see good people denied what should be rightfully theirs, whether it's fairness in paying taxes, insurance costs, educational opportunity, or the right to protect their own bodies and souls from invasion and abuse.

It bothered me when, as a student in a Fundamentalist college, I watched my bright female fellow students marry boys who were not as bright as they were and then hand over their own decision making and freedom of choice to those boys because they'd been taught God required it.  It bothers me to know how doing that abbreviated and reduced their opportunities to use the abilities God gave them.

And, it bothered me when someone on an email discussion list posted a link to a blog like the Bayly Blog, and I went there and read posts and comments that support a man's supposed right to restrict the women in his life in ways that will deny them an education, freedom of choice, and could deny them their health and life.

So, I thought, someone needs to create a place online to gather information and comment about groups and individuals who use religion to batter women and restrict their lives. Someone should do this, but who? Looks like it's me.

It's at http://www.tellville.com

The Mood Of The Country/Elections

I watched the first debate between gubernatorial candidates in my State. It featured the incumbent, a savvy, attractive, articulate female person, and her opponent, a man who has only one thing going for him, a huge pile of money to spend.

The last time I read how much he'd already spent on the campaign it was up to $19,000,000, and that was several weeks ago. The guy is so obviously not Governor material. But, he has all that money, and has not only spent it like it was Gatorade, but for years and years he has been feedbagging prominent Republican causes and candidates who now have to reciprocate and campaign for him, or at least give him some good blurbs for his ads. It must gag some of them to do it, he is so obviously not an able candidate.

I'd like to think he can't be elected on the strength of money alone. But, I'm not so naive as I used to be. I've learned to never overestimate the voting public, nor underestimate what can go on behind the scenes to derail the vote.

Ms. Gov seems to be doing a good job, and I like the fact that she's not only female, but capable and competent, speaks clearly and logically, and I'm sure can turn up the burners in future debates way past his comfort level.

Wanting to do my part to help keep the Gov in office I volunteered to be a campaign helper. I visited her web site and found a place to enter my name, email address, etc. While I was there I thought I'd order a Tshirt to support my candidate. The site was wonky, and I couldn't get from here to Tshirt, so gave up and waited to see if I'd actually get a return email about my volunteering.

It took a long time,  but I finally did get a response. What would I like to do, they wanted to know. I said I'd write Letters to the Editor, and hand out literature door to door. OK, they said,  write a letter every week to the editor of a town some thirty miles away, and encolsed a sample letter that I could use.

But, I don't subscribe to that paper or live in that town, and the letter they sent me was not my kind of thing, it was a bit nasty, and I didn't want to do that. I don't live there, it seemed like false pretenses to me. I didn't write any letters.

Then there was the door to door thing. I was about to do it, and then remembered the sample letter I'd been sent to copy and mail. Wait a minute, I thought, I don't know what kind of literature they will give me to hand out. Is it going to be nasty too? So, I didn't go.

But, maybe there is still the Tshirt route. I'll check the Gov's site again. And, what might be available elsewhere? I went to CafePress.com, the big "create your own product" site, and did a search on "politics." Wow!

The search returned a list, complete with phtos of the items, for 120,000 designs on 2,070,000 products. Not all for my Gov, of course, but there may be some in there. I'm finding, however, surfing around among the designs, that what citizens are willing to wear on their chests and put on their car bumpers is a great political commentary on the mood of the country.

Some samples:

   

How I Solved All My Problems By Watching A TV Soap Opera

I am prepared to share with you not only how I solved all my problems by watching a TV soap opera, but how you can too.

Please suspend your doubts for a few nanoseconds. This could be a worthwhile reading investment. After all, you're web surfing (I can tell), looking for gems of useful and/or entertaining info. This post may contain both.

You may have thought TV soaps were for bored or cow-like, dull brained housewives and similarly configured househusbands. Yes, they are for them, but, like a pencil, one can simply chew on it, poke holes in the Naugahyde sofa, or one can write a best selling novel with it.

TV soaps are useful for all of us, I can prove it.

Do you have trouble getting your work done? Are you lonely, starved for intellectual stimulation or the opportunity for philosophical reasoning? Or, maybe you simply long for some good old juicy gossip but are too proud or righteous to stoop to the real thing.

Would you like a nice sit-down break during the day, but never seem to have or take the time? Would you like a safe subject to talk about with your friends, or even the casual stranger? Well, solutions and satisfaction are only a click of the remote away.

Select Your Soap

I will use the soap All My Children to illustrate the problem solving opportunities in watching a soap. I chose to watch All My Children because a famous actress watches it, and I overheard the cleaning ladies on the commuter train to Chicago talking about Erica as though they knew her, and because my daughter got me hooked on it.

It's the only one I watched, since I only needed an hour's worth of problem solving a day. I doubt that watching three hours of soaps per day would solve three times as many problems--something about the law of diminishing returns.

First Problem I Solved: Being A Family Nuisance

All My Children is a writer's dream. (In addition to being a blogger, I am also, by trade, a writer, and a domestic engineer.) I can look for what we in the writing game call "plants" while I watch the program. Previous to my soap problem solving work, I frequently alienated my family by detecting "plants" during family viewing.

I'd say, "Aha! Did you notice that? They are setting you up for the murder by the use of the hanging vine." My family would wearily explain to me, again, that they did not want to be presented with such information in the midst of the program. They'd say, "Mom, we do not want to know. We want to be ignorant, don't tell us." They want to be true believers. They don't want to know these things are made up by writers.

By regularly watching All My Children I was able to satisfy my writerly need for detecting the bones of the writing skeleton, and thereby find it possible to keep quiet while watching TV with family members, most of the time.

Eliminating Frustrations, Adding Satisfactions, Avoiding Trouble

For the student of social mores the interwoven relationships and ethical quandrys, fatherhood mixups, motherhood traumas, and social posturing are a delicious romp. The wannabe phychologist viewer can analyze without fear of insulting and alienating the analyzed. Is this a repression from the character's past? Will she be able to gain self-confidence after all? How well can you predict her future behavior?

Frustrated would-be medical experts can diagnose with the fake doctors on the soap. Can you do it better, discover the solution sooner? I bet you can. There is a wish fulfilled and identification opportunity for everyone on the soaps.

More Problem Solving

I am the mother of many, maybe not so many as you, but it seems like many to me, particularly on some days. Like all mothers of many, I have sometimes felt overwhelmed by the work involved, lack of appreciation, and low pay.

Getting Pretty

I, also, like so many of my fellow workers, have sometimes felt that I looked the part of inept houseperson. Wandering through a dimly lit house and chancing on a mirror can be a shocking experience. At such times, I know just what to do. I turn on the TV, tune it to a soap, and there before my eyes are all those homemakers dressed to the teeth, hair tres chic, apartments tastefully decorated, clean and neat, with not a single piece of laundry on the floor or wet boot in the corner. If they can do it, I say to me, I can do it too. I comb my hair and get dressed, during the commercials, of course.

GTD (Getting Things Done)

Besides being good for my appearance and morale, watching my soap helps me with my work. There used to be a lot of little things that never got done around here because:

1. They seemed too small to bother with.

2. I didn't want to do them.

3. I have a poor sense of time and might trim grocery cupons all afternoon if no one stopped me.

4. I'm a really good procrastinator.

But, I discovered the perfect way to get all those little nagging and despised jobs done, almost painlessly. That's right, soaps. Here it is, step by step:

1. I made a list (while watching the soap, of course) of everything that could be done while watching an hour's worth of TV.

2. Each day I selected from that list what I wanted to do while watching that day's soap.

3. I gathered any necessary materials before the show started or during the first commercial break.

My list included ironing things I'd piled up and hidden away, sorting paper and filing or flinging it, opening mail, going through old magazines so I could bear to toss them, or clip out what I couldn't bear to toss, doing facial exercises so that when I tell people I'm twenty years older than I am they'll know I'm joking, making menus and shopping lists, checking my email, and checking out blogs online hoping to find something great like you're reading right now.

Since a soap lasts only an hour, you know you won't get bogged down or hung up on any of those tasks or online pleasures.

And, because soaps are so s l o w, and, admittedly a bit lightweight viewing, one can easily multi task while watching one. It's not even multi tasking, it's more like semi-micro-mini multi tasking. Even on the most breathless episodes, there are always commercial breaks, with which the soaps are very generously endowed.

Solutions For Everyone

So, if you are lonely, need intellectual stimulation (even though it may have to be intellectual self-stimulation), want to get all those irritating and delayed jobs done, surf without guilt or remorse, need a break, like a little completely harmless gossip, want to improve your appearance, have hope (there is always hope on a soap), or are just plain vicious and want to hang out with your own kind, watch a soap.

The Penultimate Solution

In fact, my soap watching problem solving was so successful that I don't need to watch them anymore. I solved my one remaining problem: being so disgusted when they killed off my favorite characters in a most viewer unfriendly way, that I decided to never watch them again. So I don't. Now I solve all my problems online.

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For more delicious, nutritious How To's visit Darren Rowse's Problogger.net  How To Group Writing Project entries.

Ruth Tucker's Story

Dr. Ruth Tucker is a long time friend. She contacted me not long ago and asked for assistance in creating a special blog site. I'm bloggy, she wasn't. She wanted a place to tell her story, what had been happening to her at work that forced her to leave her treasured position as the first full time female professor at Calvin Theological Seminary in its 130 year history.

I remember when she was hired, and how happy she was, exhilarated at the opportunity. And, how she enjoyed being a part of the faculty, and interacting and engaging in good natured discussion with fellow faculty members.

But, things changed at Calvin Seminary. A new President came on board and a new climate emerged, one that was not so friendly toward the lone woman on the faculty.

She told me about her shock and horror at being informed in a routine employee evaluation session that her employment would be terminated in one year. She'd done a good job, had gotten good reviews previously, knew her students valued her teaching. She had been promised at hiring, in writing, a tenure track, full professor position in three years if all went well. What had happened?

Her efforts to find out what was behind the shocking news led to discoveries of false reports, new charges against her of "ungodliness" (which was unspecified, and she was not permitted to know what the supposed ungodliness consisted of), and requirement that she attend a series of humiliating "renewal" sessions over several months time.

I tried to persuade her to consult an attorney at this point, remembering all too well what happened to my own husband when he was fired in a most dirty and unjust manner from Moody Bible Institute over 25 years ago.

But, Ruth did not want to bring an attorney into the situation, fearing the seminary administration would find out and take it as an affront, and think she was taking an adversarial position in the matter. I then tried to persuade her to have a friend accompany her, or even insist on a tape recorder at the "renewal" sessions she was forced to endure.

She hoped, and believed, that if she went to the renewal sessions for the several months she was told to attend that she'd be put back on tenure track, and everything would be OK. I did not think so. But, and I'm so glad she did, she made copies of all documents and email messages, and put them in safe keeping. As it turned out, she would need them.

Her compelling and revealing story about what transpired during the years she tried to keep her job, get redress, bring charges against her out into the open, and finally leave is on her new blog, "My Calvin Seminary Story." It was launched on Labor Day and has had thousands of page views since.

I salute her for her courage and refusal to keep silent, as she was warned to do, and for her respectful and straightforward telling of what happened.

Please go there and read it. For a TV interview with Ruth, including a video clip, click here.

The kind of victimization Ruth experienced happens more frequently than is common knowledge. When my husband was fired from Moody Bible Institute many people contacted us to tell us their own similar stories. Such victimization is carried out in secret and denied by the perpetrators, who often resort to attempts at character assassination of the victims to try to make them less believable and less willing to tell what has been done to them.

I'm hoping such cases can get wide public notice and media attention so that those who are inclined to victimize will be less willing to do so, and people who have been victimized will see the value in going public with their own experiences.

New Blog In My Stable

I've just now created, launched, and added to my newest blog creation: War Against Women.

For a long time I've read items online that I wanted to comment on, share with my readers, and encourage them to take action on that had to do with the sorry treatment of women, girls, and children. I thought, eventually, that I might add a category to this blog for them, but they deserve a place of their own, so I've set up a blog for them.

My intention is to create a place where interested readers can come to get related information in a central location, a place they can visit on a regular basis to keep informed and up to date. I'm out to change the world for women and children, one word at a time. Please join me.

If You Want To Know More About Anything...

If you want to learn more about something, study anything else.

Earlier today I posted a comment on Darren Rowse's blog ProBlogger about my maxim above. Wanting to write more about it, I thought I'd do it here and now.

It's no secret I love blogs and blogging. Maybe so much that I'm getting too bloggy for my own good. But, I don't think so, I'm learning how to have a lot of blogs and, like livestock, take care that they get fed regularly.

One of the things I love about blogs is the adventure of discovery, discovering unique voices, new views and perspectives, new people, terrific information. It's pig heaven for an infomaniac like me.

I've always been an autodidact, someone who doesn't need a school to teach them, who just loves to learn, and seeks out information all the time. I read lots of books, am a curious soul. As a result, I've read widely, studied in many fields, and have less or more knowledge and practical experience in them all.

In my journeys into discovery and learning I realized one day that rather than a learning dilettante, I am a synthesist, someone who takes information from many sources and sees it come together into insights, conclusions, questions, new areas for exploration in ways that differ from the linear trajectory of most academic learning systems.

Somewhere in there I formulated my maxim, "If you want to know/learn more about anything, study anything else." Or, it's slight variant, "If you want to know/learn more about something, study anything else."

This works so well, is such a great addition to the usual method of learning that I've applied it to a broad spectrum of areas. When I want to create an article title, or a book title, I look about me at objects in my environment, including the titles of books on my shelves, and riff off them, innovating and generating many possible titles. I'll list them, and choose several that appeal, and innovate off these, and keep on playing until I find a preference to select.

The late Steve Allen, comedian, musician and actor, did it with music. He'd ask anyone in the audience for three musical notes, and he'd, on the spot, create a melody to go with it, and add supporting harmony and keyboard elements to fill it out. Some people can do that with words, creating an immediate poem on anything, just innovating and drawing from the vast information they've mentally downloaded from experience.

Improvisational theater, impromptu speeches, and modern dance all draw from the same reservoirs of information we've gathered.

It is but one step from there to purposefully selecting a subject area or field to dip into at whatever immersion level to ask, "What do I detect here that can be applied cross context?" The answer doesn't necessarily come immediately, or in a linear fashion. It may nudge one gently with an inkling, and/or arrive as an "Aha" realization, or appear as a curiosity--What might happen if.....?"

Where can you look for additional perspectives? Where might you explore today?

Why We Don't Need A Constitutional Marriage Amendment

I've written a post on the FemSpeak blog on  why I think the proposed constitutional amendment on marriage is not a good idea. To read it click here.

FlyLady: My Concerns

How could anyone say anything negative about someone as successful and helpful as FlyLady? Well, I can't, and I wouldn't even try. But, I can tell what concerns me, and why it may drive me away from her email list and site.

I'd be very sorry to go, because I love what she has done for homemakers, and I think she is a very fine and generous person. Not only that, but, like so many of Marla's subscribers, I feel like she's almost kin to me. In fact, I even wonder if she is, she looks so much like some of my relatives that she'd pass for my sister. I'll bet there is some Cherokee in her pedigree and  generous amounts of British Isles derivation too, as there is in mine.

It started with the Brat Factor related email messages coming through her reminder list. Previously, I could pretty much tell, in the first sentence or two, whether one of Marla's own informational or inspirational messages or reader testimonials were ones I wanted to read. If so, I'd mark them to read later or read them immediately. The ones that didn't interest me were deleted, often as soon as I read the subject line.

Subscribers were encouraged to delete messages they didn't need or want to read, particularly the task reminders. Marla said we could tell by the subject line what we were to do after we'd been getting them for awhile. We were also to delete the ones we just hadn't gotten around to reading that day.

I noticed some time ago that Marla had, in her own generous way, added to her stable of advisers and experts, and was including some messages that provided their advice, some of which I thought good, some I thought questionable. But, not a problem, easy to identify the ones I wasn't interested in and delete them right away.

However, recently something new was added to more and more of Marla's messages, and also began to crop up regularly in testimonials from readers, and I found it impossible to tell which messages would be about it. Seems that Pam, of the Pam and Peggy Sidetracked Home Executives (FlyLady's organizational mentors) has a new product line and web site built around the idea that one has an "inner brat" who is responsible for tasks that don't get done and habits people find difficult to change.

Now, I'm very wary of telling people they have an inner brat, and for good reason. Pam says it's a "fun way  to create change." It might be fun for some people, and even relatively harmless for some (though I even have doubts about that). But, for many, it's an exercise in self partitioning that takes them away from dealing ecologically with inner conflicts. Additionally, the immune system needs a clear message from the individual that all of who and what they are is to be inclusively respected, loved, and protected.

I  found it irritating to have to read into so many messages unaware of their brat factor orientation and presuppositions on a list that had previously been so helpful and easy to scan. So, I thought I'd email FlyLady and request that brat factor messages be identified with a subject line prefix, as some of her message subject areas already were, so I could easily skip them. Here's what I wrote, hoping it would be clear that it was a simple request, not a complaint.

Dear FlyLady,

I adore you, admire you, and love, love, love what you do for all the SHE's in the world.

Please, if you can find it in your heart to do so, put some sort of prefix in the subject line of the Brat Factor related messages so I won't get into them thinking they are your regular messages and regular testimonials.

I don't mind if other people think they have an inner brat, though I think it's unfortunate that they do think that. I know it's one way people make sense of inner conflicts, but there are other ways that seem more healthy and self respecting to me.

So, I'm not interested in reading the inner brat related material. Not objecting to it being there, mind you, I'd just like to know which emails those are so I can skip them without having to read to the brat part to realize that it's not for me.

She responded with a curt no, and that  a lot of people are being helped by it.

Wanting to make sure she understood what I was and was not requesting, I replied:

I'm glad it is, and I'm sure it is. I'm not requesting that you stop the brat factor messages, but that you ID them in some manner in the subject line for those who don't want to read them, that's all.

She replied to that message, telling me she would not title them any more than she would title the Body Clutter messages, and added, that maybe the reason I didn't want to read them had to do with my inner child.

I was afraid I'd get that second part in the response, a dismissal of what I'd said, attributing it to my own supposed inner brat. I was somewhat disappointed, because it seemed like such a reasonable request, a logical aid to reading the many messages that come through her list each day. But, wanting to believe it might be a hasty response with a bit of humor in it rather than pure dismissal, I replied:

That's fine. Just thought I'd ask.
No, my inner child has grown up, and she never was a brat :)

Since then, the brat factor messages have continued, seem to have even increased, cluttering up the messages I used to look forward to reading. It has had a curious effect: I look at the list of messages, see subject lines that interest me, dip into one or two, and finding a cuteish brat factor post, stop and avoid all the rest. Also, the FlyLady products I've bought that have the FlyLady logo on them don't seem so appealing anymore. It's like there are now fly specks on my FlyLady environment. Interesting how something that seems out of character for a store, relationship, or place can change one's experience of it.

Not wanting to just go away, unsubscribe and be silent, I wondered how I might learn something here. Eventually, I thought, why not blog about it? I think I can find useful things to share that would be worth considering.

Some of them, so far:

1. It's easy to move out of one's niche and not realize it as one's business/project expands and other people are included in it. FlyLady has added to her own offerings the products and services of other people whose material she thinks is helpful and useful. She has added links to their sites, and in some cases sells their products on her site.

2. Joint ventures, partnering with others online and off, can put one in an unfortunate position of not being able to monitor or affect quality control or direction in one's partners. They may add products or services, make claims, or promote beliefs and solutions one isn't well enough informed about to know aren't valid, or aren't in line with one's own standards.

3. Relationship marketing is effective, but risky. It takes much longer to build it than it does to tear it down.

4. Don't be testy with your customers.

5. Don't answer email when you are tired, unhappy, or distracted.

The biggest lesson, to me, is: don't extend a proprietary attitude or stance beyond the bounds of your own expertise.

Marla knows her own stuff. She knows from experience and observation that her methods for getting one's home and tasks organized works. She can afford to be emphatic and insistent about following her rules and processes to get the desired results.

But, refusing to provide a subject ID for the Body Clutter messages (about her particular system for weight loss) and the Brat Factor messages (based on someone else's questionable psychological theories) seems to me to indicate an unwillingness to allow readers to choose what they want to read. It presupposes that the reader doesn't know what's good for them, so best not to tell them what's in the message because those who need it might not read it.

How is this going to affect my future FlyLady experience and recommendation of FlyLady?

I'm a personal coach, and participate on several support type email discussion lists. I've unqualifiedly recommended FlyLady to many people. I'm also a multiple blog blogger, and was planning to add a graphic linking to FlyLady's site on the sidebar of some of my blogs. Now, unfortunately, I'm rethinking it. I don't want to send vulnerable clients or abuse victims to a site where they will be told they have an inner brat that they should give a name and consider her/him the one who causes many of their problems and frustrations.

I'll probably visit FlyLady's web site more, for the easily identified good things there, and read her FlyLady Mentors email list less, maybe unsubscribe from it. I don't want to unsubscribe, because it has been very helpful before the ratio of wheat to chaff changed. And, I want to keep on checking those email messages from time to time, hoping she she will eventually phase out the inner brat material.

My recommendation, for now, for some people but not all, will be to visit the FlyLady site and treat it like watermelon: eat the good parts, and spit out the seeds. I'm hoping future watermelon will have less seeds. Meanwhile, the  FlyLady sticker over my sink that lets me know whether the dishes in the dishwasher are dirty or clean is getting a makeover.

I'm hoping this is not the beginning of a downward trend in what FlyLady has to offer. She is so very good at what she's good at, I hope she avoids allowing what she does well to be diluted or overshadowed by less excellent material than her own, or being diverted from her central purpose and expertise.

FlyLady: Why She's So Popular

I went to Google.com and did a search on "FlyLady" and got back 73 pages of search results listings, not 73 listings, 73 pages of listings. FlyLady has been written up in major magazines, interviewed on radio and TV, holds what she calls Fly Fests in different locations around the USA, conducts an Internet radio show, and has a top selling book, Sink Reflections. Everywhere she goes she is met by adoring admirers, FlyBabies, she calls them.

Why is this woman the patron saint of women, and men too, who have taken up her program for getting their homes clean and possessions and work organized via her simple and specific principles and routines? I've given this quite a bit of thought since I became a student of everything FlyLady and found that much of it works for me. I like to observe whoever and whatever works and try to figure out how and why it works, and what I can learn from it beyond obvious benefits.

1. FlyLady, Marla Cilley, is the real thing. She is genuine, open, and brutally honest about her own life. She's a passionate and emotional being, and doesn't hide it, she let's it all hang out for everyone to see. As a result, she's believable. When she says something people listen.

2. Marla's routines and information are simple, direct, and easy to do. She starts small, and is very specific about what beginners are supposed to do. It's hard to fail with Marla's instruction.

3. She genuinely loves her subscribers. She has profound sympathy for their plight. But that doesn't mean she's going to be soft and fluffy about it. She's the top sergeant of the domicile, no whining, no complaining, but with a heart of gold.

4. She doesn't put on airs. Marla is WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get).

5. It's all free. Her web site http://www.flylady.net is full of good practical information, including free downloads of her specialized "control journals." Those control journals are for filling out with your own personally customized versions of Marla's routines, and for special purposes like holiday planning and emergency/disaster preparedness.

6. She responds to reader requests for products and aids to enhance the FlyLady experience and to do practical work. Her for sale products are of high quality, and order fulfillment is swift.

7. Subscribers feel that they are a part of a culture, a group of like minded yet diverse subscribers who help each other with mutual support. This happens via testimonials sent to Marla's main email list, and also through the large number of Yahoo Groups FlyLady related discussion lists, 622 of them, as I write this.

You might say that the FlyLady endeavor has quality, contact, camaraderie, personality, trustworthiness, and commonality. It's also a great example of thoroughly exploiting a niche.

With all this, it's no wonder FlyLady is popular. I used to recommend FlyLady to just about everyone who would listen, online and off. But, I'm having my doubts, or rather I'm adding qualifying cautions to my recommendations now. I'll tell you why, and what I've learned from my observations in the next post.

FlyLady, The Beginning

This is the first in a series of posts about the FlyLady phenomenon, what I've learned from FlyLady, both what to do and what not to do, some of which is good, and some not so good.

If you don't know who FlyLady is, go visit her web site at http://www.flylady.net. You will be among the thousands who do. Subscribe to her FlyLady Mentors email discussion list and you'll join over 309,000 subscribers who receive her reminder messages every day. Lots of messages, over 570 in the month of May, but you're supposed to delete them every day, and ignore the ones that don't interest you--where I ran afoul of FlyLady. More about that later.

I first learned about FlyLady from a coaching client and friend who had discovered her site and was enthusiastic about how much FlyLady's organizational and housekeeping strategies were helping her manage her house. She loved FlyLady, and soon, so did I. There is lots to love about FlyLady.

FlyLady is Marla Cilley. The name flylady comes from her email screen name when she first got into the household management/organizational milieu as a student of Pam and Peggy's Sidetracked Home Executive tongue in cheek approach to getting things done around the house. She used "flylady" because she was not only an avid fly fisherperson, but also taught fishing fly lure making at a local college.

The Flylady title has followed her to her new occupation, being the house mother and angel in a tutu on her FlyLady.net web site where she tells it like it is, no excuses, no backtalk, and no bare feet.

Flylady has rules, and she insists on them. Her followers follow the rules, more or less, some willingly, some half heartedly. And, in the process they get their homes "decluttered," and learn to "FLY" (finally love themselves).

Her FlyLady Mentors email list, an announce only list, sends out reminders several times a day to subscribers, telling them what to do next, and also includes testimonials from subscribers who have seen the light, done what they were supposed to do and it has worked for them. Included are also informational messages, and inspirational ones too, written by FlyLady herself.

No More Sex Education

Let's eliminate sex education from our schools. It was a bad application of a good idea, the idea being that children need to know the basics of human reproduction, and calling it sex education seemed direct and appropriate. But, though they do need to know, it's a bad title for the project. So, let's lose it, do away with it, trash it, toss it out. And start over with something better and more appropriate.

What we want is to protect our children from making mistakes that they and others will pay for for a long, long time. What they need is not sex education but education in well informed reproductive responsibility. Let's replace sex education with course material about responsible reproduction.

Responsible Reproduction

Children need to know how their bodies work, that's a given. They do not need to be taught in detail about sexual orientations or sexual techniques. But, it is essential that they know how to be responsible persons with their reproductive capabilities. That's the area in which we are failing our children.

To be responsible, one needs to know the mechanics involved--what can create a pregnancy, and what can help one avoid unplanned and irresponsible pregnancy. One needs to know what is respectful reproduction related treatment from other people, and how to make sure one both gets it and gives it.

One needs to know the real truth about teenage pregnancy, causes and dangers, and how to avoid them. One needs to know about long term effects of sexual activity that starts at a young age, and about unprotected sexual activity.

Our children need to learn reproductive ethics and reproductive practicality. Let's stop teaching sex education and give them what they and our whole society needs, a means to be reproductively compassionate, ethical, practical, and responsible.

Bookmarked

Whee!! This concludes the 20 posts in 20 days marathon--waaaaay beyond the 20 days. And, it begins another category of posts, Bookmarked. I'll be sharing some of what I find in my web surfing in future Bookmarked posts.

BBC online news page for children 

Passion For Business: The Self Employment Blog

ABC News Video and Audio Clips

LAist Interview: Janet Fitch

Ode Magazine

Plastic Water Bottle Dangers Info

Cartoonify Your Chats (and make up your own to create your own cartoons)

Just Breathe--weight reduction via meditaton

How To Write Through The Garbage Stage Of Writing

After I responded to a post on an email discussion for writers post about being discouraged from writing because the novel in the mind became rubbish on the page I thought I'd post my response here in case some other discouraged writer happens by.

I dare to give advice on the subject because, "I've written a thing or two about a thing or two," my version of what the bad stepfather says in the movie version of  the memoir This Boy's Life, by Tobias Wolff.

My advice to the discouraged garbage writer:

Well, that's what I call the garbage stage that most writing goes through, particularly when one hasn't done a lot of it, and even sometimes when one has done a lot of it. One has a great idea, dialogue comes to mind, characters whisper in the corner and follow one around during the day, one wakes at night thinking about a good scene, etc. Then, full of anticipation one sits down to put it on paper or on screen, writes furiously, or haltingly, as the case may be. Then, one reads it. Ugh! Garbage. How did that happen? Where is all the deathless prose I though was at my fingertips? Who am I kidding? I can't write worth (supply fitting epithet)!

The solution is just go right ahead and write garbage. It's all nutrients for what will grow from your future cultivation of the raw material.

The way to write is to rewrite.

The writer then asked, "Do I basically need to give myself permission to write
rubbish?"

Yes, ma'am. That's it exactly. You did not expect to be able to walk the first time you stood up. Only English teachers expect you to write literature on the first draft.

Just put your behind on the chair, pen or mouse in hand, and write. Fix it later, maybe not even read it until you've let it sit for a week or so.

And, I'm adding now,

Rewrite it until:

1. It looks right on the page--print it out and look at it.

2. It sounds right when you read it aloud.

3. It feels right, in your gut. You'll get a sort of  gentle "Uh Huh" feeling in your midsection to confirm that it's right.

You don't need to know what's wrong with it technically, just experiment with it until it meets the Three Tests above.

You're welcome.

Review: The No Diet Diet

I recently ordered a new book from the UK titled "The No Diet Diet," which I was curious about because it appeared from what I'd read about it to fit a project I've had on the back burner for some time. It seemed to harmonize also with NLP (NeuroLinguistic Programming, see relevant books in this site's sidebar) technology that I've found helpful, and with good things I've learned from Bill O'Hanlon and Ericksonian hypnosis (see relevant books in the sidebar) . I was eager to check it out.

The book, which I quickly read, appeared to be just what I hoped it would be: research based, tested, step by step application of the "do something different" approach to change in a field where it is greatly needed, easy, doable, sustainable weight loss.

The "No Diet Diet" is based on changing one's habitual behavior, and not directly related to eating, fat, or food. Using easy, simple assignments, it enables the participant to break up patterned behavior unrelated to food by focusing on habits in general.

Eager to test the methodology myself , because I know enough already about its underlying principles from other study to believe it is likely to work, and thinking it's often more enjoyable and easier to work/play alongside others, the buddy system and all that, I thought I'd share my own testing efforts by inviting others to join me. So, I set up a blog to track the experiment and put out an invite for fellow participants to see if the No Diet Diet program will work for them.

I'm in my second week of the experiment, and finding the side effects of the program fascinating.

The program consists of 28 days of easy to do tasks, one per day plus a couple of extra ones in two of the weeks. The first task is "don't watch TV today, and if you don't watch TV anyway, then don't listen to the radio." I didn't think I watched much TV anyway, but found myself recurrently thinking I'd go turn it on while I took a short break, had a meal, whatever.

And, the next day, and every day since then I've noticed I don't automatically go to the TV at the points I'd have done that before the no TV today task. As simple and easy as it is to "sit somewhere else" today or "watch no TV today" those tasks not only affect the areas they are directly related to, but have an obvious and good ripple effect. Other participants in the experiment are reporting the same results.

I believe this book, and additional titles the authors will undoubtedly produce, will have a profound effect not only in the field of weight reduction, but in a much wider area of behavior change. I'll make a prediction: If this works, it's going to make the weight reduction industry (and it's huge, no pun intended) either oppose it vigorously or incorporate and integrate its methodology into their own
programs.

UPDATE On The Experiment:

Well, it didn't work, or I should say, it didn't work for me. At the end of the experiment I weighed almost exactly the same amount as at the beginning. I may have gained a couple of pounds, can't be sure, my scale is not totally reliable (whose is?). But, I still think there is much in the book that is useful, and I think I'll go back again and work through it, innovating on the book this time, and reporting both my innovations and additons, and the results. But, so far, I'm not ready to do that. When and if I am, I'll announce it here and on the experiment blog linked on the sidebar on this page.

I think one of the reasons it didn't work for me is that it is written for a British audience, and so some of the approach just didn't fit me as someone from a different culture. Another reason is that it did not have relevant to me assignments much of the time. Something was missing, I hope to detect what it was and add it in next time.

I recently ordered a new book from the UK titled "The No Diet Diet," which I was curious about because it appeared from what I'd read about it to fit a project I've had on the back burner for some time. It seemed to harmonize also with NLP (NeuroLinguistic Programming, see relevant books in this site's sidebar) technology that I've found helpful, and with good things I've learned from Bill O'Hanlon and Ericksonian hypnosis (see relevant books in the sidebar) . I was eager to check it out.

The book, which I quickly read, appeared to be just what I hoped it would be: research based, tested, step by step application of the "do something different" approach to change in a field where it is greatly needed, easy, doable, sustainable weight loss.

The "No Diet Diet" is based on changing one's habitual behavior, and not directly related to eating, fat, or food. Using easy, simple assignments, it enables the participant to break up patterned behavior unrelated to food by focusing on habits in general.

Eager to test the methodology myself , because I know enough already about its underlying principles from other study to believe it is likely to work, and thinking it's often more enjoyable and easier to work/play alongside others, the buddy system and all that, I thought I'd share my own testing efforts by inviting others to join me. So, I set up a blog to track the experiment and put out an invite for fellow participants to see if the No Diet Diet program will work for them.

I'm in my second week of the experiment, and finding the side effects of the program fascinating.

The program consists of 28 days of easy to do tasks, one per day plus a couple of extra ones in two of the weeks. The first task is "don't watch TV today, and if you don't watch TV anyway, then don't listen to the radio." I didn't think I watched much TV anyway, but found myself recurrently thinking I'd go turn it on while I took a short break, had a meal, whatever.

And, the next day, and every day since then I've noticed I don't automatically go to the TV at the points I'd have done that before the no TV today task. As simple and easy as it is to "sit somewhere else" today or "watch no TV today" those tasks not only affect the areas they are directly related to, but have an obvious and good ripple effect. Other participants in the experiment are reporting the same results.

I believe this book, and additional titles the authors will undoubtedly produce, will have a profound effect not only in the field of weight reduction, but in a much wider area of behavior change. I'll make a prediction: If this works, it's going to make the weight reduction industry (and it's huge, no pun intended) either oppose it vigorously or incorporate and integrate its methodology into their own
programs.

UPDATE On The Experiment:

Well, it didn't work, or I should say, it didn't work for me. At the end of the experiment I weighed almost exactly the same amount as at the beginning. I may have gained a couple of pounds, can't be sure, my scale is not totally reliable (whose is?). But, I still think there is much in the book that is useful, and I think I'll go back again and work through it, innovating on the book this time, and reporting both my innovations and additons, and the results. But, so far, I'm not ready to do that. When and if I am, I'll announce it here and on the experiment blog linked on the sidebar on this page.

I think one of the reasons it didn't work for me is that it is written for a British audience, and so some of the approach just didn't fit me as someone from a different culture. Another reason is that it did not have relevant to me assignments much of the time. Something was missing, I hope to detect what it was and add it in next time.

Top Ten Things Women Want

10. More hours in the day.   

9. More money in the bank--and in her own name.

8. The toilet seat down.

7. To cook only when she wants to.

6. A man who cleans his whiskers out of the sink, does not snore, listens when she talks, talks when she wants him to, and says, "Gee, that's too bad, honey," when she tells him her troubles, instead of "Here's how you can fix that."

5. Friends who are loyal and have a good sense of humor.

4. To be told, truthfully, when she looks good.

3. Chocolate that does not have any disadvantages to eating it.

2. Exercise one can do in one's sleep.

1. Equal opportunity, equal respect, and equal pay for a day's work.

Profile: Freya Diana

About fifteen to seventeen years ago, we're not too clear on it, a yellow and white tiger kitten came to my front porch and explained to me that he was starving. I knew that was what he was saying because I speak cat, at least somewhat, learned in my childhood from Pitsy Paintsy, Puff, and Cleopatra. I was cooking roast beef, the smell wafting outside the house, driving the homeless kitten to desperate measures.

I poured some milk in a jar lid, added a few pieces of bread, and placed it on the porch, then went back into the house to respect his fear of humans, and watched out the window as he gobbled it up. He returned later in the day accompanied by another kitten who looked very much like him, except she had longer fur, with a white patch at her throat and four white feet. We gave them both some roast beef.

The next day, yet another one arrived with his siblings, a gorgeous long haired black and white, big beautiful eyed kitten. We thought surely this was all of them when their calico mother appeared soon afterward. The kittens were wild and would let no one near them. The mother was a bit of a whiner and wanted to come into the house, which, it being summer and not being cat in the house people, we declined.

We'd put food out for them on the stones along one side of the big flower garden, and, from the deck, we watched them eat and play. After a few days of this, we saw a dark blur move among the flowers. It was the scarediest, most wary, most wild, smallest one of the litter.

Over time, with gentle stealth we made friends with all of the kittys. They lived outside that first winter in a dogloo insulated with cardboard and crumpled newspapers. They'd wrestle and play in it, bouncing off the cardboard inner walls making thumping sounds one could hear inside the house.

One of my sons and his girlfriend were photography students at a local college at the time. They decided all the kittens should be named after famous photographers. The black and white one became Ansel, after Ansel Adams. My first visitor became Edward, after Edward Steichen. His look alike sister was named Margaret, after Margaret Bourke White. And the smallest one became Freya Diana, after both Diane Arbus and the goddesses Freya and Diana, because she was a great hunter. The mother cat was just The Mama Cat.

The Mama Cat had to be euthanized that first summer. The vet said she had  probably been abandoned pregnant with her first litter, and the babies born in the wild area near our house. The kittens were therefore feral cats, and though we were able to tame them all, FD remained a wild cat at her core. 

All except FD met various fates. Margaret was killed by a car only a few months after she adopted us. Edward was also, a few years later. Ansel, a grown cat by then, would go visiting, we knew not where, disappearing on his daily rounds into the field and woods behind the house, arriving back home a few days later smelling of tuna fish. We suspected he was visiting at an apartment complex nearby. Eventually, his visits lasted longer, and then he did not come home at all. We hope he persuaded the tuna fish provider that he really did not have a home, and is lounging prettily on a sofa somewhere.

Only Freya Diana remains. She is a survivor, not as smart as Edward, who I loved, and whose thinking process I understood. He was curious, kind, and a beautiful person. But, he grew overconfident and ventured to cross the street rather than take his usual underground route through the culvert. Ansel was dumb, but beautiful, sashaying as he walked, and so lazy and tolerant you could drape him over your arm like a scarf and he'd not mind.

FD has an elegant understated beauty, she's almost a calico, but not quite. She's wary, and it takes a very, very long time before she trusts someone enough to let them near her. If she wants to be petted or stroked, she flops on the floor in front of one of the few humans she accepts, but usually she flops slightly out of arm's reach. Just being careful, that's all. If you come across her outdoors, though, you will not be able to get close enough to pet her at all. She may reply if you greet her, but in a manner that lets you know that she's working, so please don't bother her. She's at the office, and doesn't mix business with pleasure.

I've learned from FD that wild at heart should be respected, and one should never try to force a wild one to do what a wild one is not inclined to do. She got loose at the vet's once, and moved so fast you could not see her. She turns into a flying, biting, scratching wild creature when cornered for capture. I never do that, and advise all others not to do that either.

I've learned that survival skills protect one, and that being careful is always a good idea. Context is important, and some people behave differently at work than at home. I've learned that it's an honor to be the friend of someone who does not accept just anyone who comes along with a bit of gravy.

Miss Freya Diana is not always an easy creature to live with. I'd never get another house cat. Yes, she's now an indoor/outdoor cat, thanks to midwest winters and cats who come by to attack. I hate to deal with those passerby cats who like to leave their scent postcards on my front, back, and deck doors. But, we have a history together FD and the family, so, I think she's here as long as she chooses to be.

Interview: Patricia Smith Gundry

In the reverse sequence of the 20 Posts in 20 Days that I'm plodding along to finish even though the crowds aren't on the sidelines anymore, this one is supposed to be something else. But, if I'm  not following the marathon rules on the 20 days, I guess I might as well break another one, even if it's one I set for myself. This is going to be the interview one.

It being after midnight now and there being only two creatures available at this hour for an interview, and the cat refusing to be interviewed, I figure I am forced to interview myself. But, since I like talking to myself anyway, that's OK.

Q: So, Patricia Smith Gundry, how do you like being interviewed?
A: I like it, and it's been awhile since anyone interviewed me, so thanks for the opportunity.

Q: You're welcome. I notice you've added Smith to your name in the title to this post. Why is that?
A: I miss my maiden name, was sorry I lost it when I married. If I were marrying now, I'd keep my own name.

Q: So, why not change it back now?
A: I thought about it, and would like to, but my books have been written under the name Pat Gundry and Patricia Gundry, and there are a LOT of people named Patricia, Pat, or Patsy (everyone called me Patsy until I went to college) Smith, so writing under that name might not be a good idea after all. So, from time to time, I think I'll add my Smith name in the middle. Makes me feel good to see it there.

I always liked Smith, everyone can spell it, and usually remember it, except when they think it's Jones. Nobody can spell Gundry. If only I'd known.

Q: What are you most known for?
A: Being late.

Q: And, in addition to that? Say, internationally?
A: Probably for writing one of the early books in this era on equality for women in the church. In 1977 my first book, Woman Be Free was published by Zondervan Publishing House, and has been in print ever since except for a few months between publishers. It is now published by Suitcase Books.

Q: What else have you written?
A: My husband and I did a compilation of D.L. Moody quotations, with a biographical chapter. He did his doctoral dissertation on Moody's theology. Besides my first book, looking at biblical equality for women, I've written additional books peripheral to the subject, including one on marriage, and compiled a cookbook. I've also written chapters in other books, book reviews, articles, etc. I also do a lot of writing online on my blogs, and on email discussion lists.

Q: Do you have additional books in the works?
A: Yes, several, in fact.

Q: Want to tell us what they are about?
A: No, but I'd love to have a great, kind, generous, honest, respectful and wonderful publisher ask me that question.

Q: How many blogs do you have?
A: More than 25. However, they aren't all completed, nor all public. Some are to replace a couple of web sites I have that I want to shift into blogging hosting at TypePad, one is an extended family history site, one is for photos.

Q: Why so many blogs?
A: I love to make them. It's fun and very satisfying.

Q: Do you write regularly on all of them.
A: No, and that's something I've been trying to figure out--how many can I write for regularly, and which ones should that be--I really don't know. I suppose I'll experiment and see.

Q: Are you also a personal coach?
A: Yes, I have graduate clients who are free to contact me at any time for a session, but who have gotten what they came to coaching for and aren't having regularly scheduled sessions anymore.

I'm not seeking new clients at this time, though I'd not refuse a new client who seems like good match for what I like to do. I'm focusing on my writing projects and on my blogs and not on one on one coaching.

Q: Which is your favorite blog?
A: I'm not sure I can pick a favorite. They are a bit like one's children, they are all my favorites. I think some of the blogs have been neglected though, so I'm wanting to take care of that.

Q: OK, then, what is your quirkiest blog?
A: I suppose it's Cookbookie. I started it so I could write about cookbooks, but most of my search engine traffic comes from people looking for a recipe for Tunis Cake. Who knew so many people were hungry for Tunis Cake?

I'd mentioned Tunis Cake when listing a few recipes from a new cookbook I'd received, and that mention was picked up by the search engines. Since I was getting so many hits for Tunis Cake I emailed the publisher of the cookbook and asked permission to post the recipe on my blog. They said yes, and so now I imagine lots of happy searchers finding it and making Tunis Cake. (They are going to be coming here too, I suppose. Go to Cookbookie and you'll find the recipe.)

Q: What do you hope to accomplish with all these blogs?
A: Mostly, I want to have fun. I enjoy blogging. I have a lot of interest areas, and blogs are a way to play in those interest areas, and help where I can with some of them. Oh, y