Nana Report

Teaching Children To Say NO

In a previous post  I asked what parents and other care givers can do to help protect children from predators, including predators who they have been led to believe they can trust. Among the many things we can do is teach children to say no, to allow them to have no as an easy thing to say.

Those of you who deal with two year olds may believe that NO! is not something that needs teaching. But, the natural ability to say no gets weakened and even destroyed later in many children. Everyone wants their child to be good mannered and co-operative. No one wants produce a brat. And, it's important for children to do as they're told, without stubborn resistance because they need to be able to respond immediately to direction in the face of danger.

But, compliant children who do not have the right to say no, nor practice doing it, are plump and jucy pickings for predators and abusers, both in childhood, and later as adults.

If you train a girl to not be able to say no to a husband or a male authority figure you set her up for potential tragedy. She's just waiting there on the curb of the world for a predator to drive by. The same is true for boys, in many environments.

We need to teach our children, and all the children we meet, to say no. We can teach them how to decide when to say no and when to say maybe and when to say yes for now, but it's open to change. We can give them practice saying no and making it stick. We can model saying no and making it stick, without remorse, without guilt. We can teach all the ways to say no graciously, and the few they'll need to say it not so graciously.

The ability to say no is a great gift to give to a child, it's a gift that will serve them now, and throughout their life. Who do you need to help learn to say no today?

Avoiding Colds

The BBC news website reports that Nana was right about keeping warm to prevent colds:

Scientists say they have the first proof that there really is a link between getting cold and catching one.

Staff at the Common Cold Centre in Cardiff took 180 volunteers and asked half of them to keep their bare feet in icy water for 20 minutes.

They found 29% developed a cold within five days, compared with only 9% in the control group not exposed to a chill.

Seems that chilling draws warmth, in the form of blood circulation, away from the nose, blood circulation containing virus fighting cells that help keep colds from developing. And, a cold nose is not a top level virus combating nose. How about a sweater for the nose too?

Protecting Children From Sexual Predators

In doing research for the Halloween post I kept seeing references to the problems with Catholic priests sexually victimizing both children and adults. The situation is particularly a hot topic right now in Ireland, with lots of items in the Irish press.

It set me thinking about causes. As in, what would need to happen, to be there environmentally, for such abuse to happen, and continue? The focus has been on the church itself, and the negligence of bishops and other church officials, all the way up to the Vatican. Blame, rightly so, has been focused on the perpetrators and those who turned away from facing it and doing something useful and fair about it.

But, aside from what the officials in the church should have been doing, I wondered what others could have done, and could do now and in the future to create an environment more protective of children from sexual predators. What could parents have done? What did they learn from the revelations of child abuse by their religious leaders? What would they do differently, if they could retrace their steps, that could have made a crucial difference in their children's lives?

I'd like to ask all care givers, those who are responsible for ultimate safety of their children and those entrusted to their care, what would you suggest to protect the children? What can parents do to reduce the likelihood that their children will be molested by a priest or other person who works with or is in contact with children? What can teachers do? What can religious leaders do to ensure that the future is better than the past in this regard?

Halloween Precautions

Protect Children From Dangerous People On Halloween

"Picture this: A child - 9 years old and outfitted as Cinderella - joyfully knocks on a door and shouts, "Trick or treat!"

On the other side of that door is a registered high-risk sex offender. Unless that offender's probation or parole conditions specifically prohibit him from providing a treat, there's an opportunity for instant contact." Read the rest of the article here.

For additonal items online regarding sex offenders and Halloween click here.

 

Protect Children From Automobiles on Halloween

"Children aged 12 and under are more than twice as likely to suffer death or injury from being hit by a car on Halloween than on other comparable days in October and November, according to an analysis by the Automobile Club of Southern California. The Auto Club warns motorists and pedestrians to be extra careful on that day. An additional concern is that Halloween falls on the day after Daylight Savings Time ends. " Read the rest of the article here.

Halloween Drivers Beware By Lauren Fix, The Car Coach® 

"On the evening of October 31, hordes of little goblins, creepy creatures, and superheroes will take to the streets on a quest for candy and treats. Although most of them will come home later that evening excited about the treats they've gathered, the chances of children being hit by a car are much higher on this night than any other night of the year.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) data warns that, between 4 p.m. and 10 p.m. on Halloween night, about 4000 children ages five to 14 are injured in pedestrian accidents, whereas on most other nights of the year the number injured is 1000 or less. Try to avoid venturing out in your car during this time, but if you have to, beware of the dangers and be very, very careful.

Drivers on Halloween night need to take special precautions to watch out for young pedestrians:" Continue reading here for specific tips and cautions, (you can also listen to an audio of the article).

Protect Children From Overload and Genuine Fear On Halloween

Adults sometimes don't realize just how frightening Halloween elements can be to children, particularly to young children. Little ones don't understand what the holiday is all about, so shielding them from all but the gentle fun of trick or treating along with an adult, or even simply watching other trick or treaters come to the door through a window and treats being given out is enough to stay within their comfort zone. Even younger school age children can be frightened by Halloween.

When my children were in grade school, we lived across the street from their school, and I easily participated in several parent activities there, thus was a familiar sight to many of the students.

One Halloween I decided to dress up as a witch, and visit the classrooms of a couple of my children.

I'm only a bit shorter than my husband, so it was easy for me to wear his black academic gown (he was a professor in a college at the time) and his a bit too big black dress shoes. I made a witch's hat from some thin black poster board, and dusted my long  hair with flour to make it look gray (I wouldn't need the flour now). To complete my look, I bought stage makeup, complete with nose putty, which I'd learned how to use in High School Drama class. With the nose putty I created a long pointy nose, think maybe there was a hump on it too to counteract my own skijump nose configuration. A couple of warts were added, and maybe a scar, dark circles under my eyes, and I blacked out two of my teeth with either a black crayon, or tooth wax from the makeup kit.

Then, across the street to Emerson School I went, to my fifth grade son's class, carrying a big red polished apple. As I walked down the hall, children melted away before me. Teachers requested that I visit other classes too, so impressive was my witchiness. I got immediate awed silence, and then sometimes questions, particularly from the older students--who was I? Really?

The Kindergarten class was very quiet when I entered the room. Later that day, I got a call from the Kindergarten teacher, requesting that I come back tomorrow, as myself, bringing my costume with me, to show them how I dressed up to create the witch look. She said, "They seem to think you were real!"

So, I went back the next day, carrying my accoutriments, and explained how I'd made myself look like a witch, and explained that I was really not a scary witch, but a mom. I'm not sure all were completely convinced.

It's important to explain, beforehand, that some costumes look pretty real, but they are only costumes, and to protect the littlest ones from things that are genuinely scary.

Nana

Toys and Personal Property

Today, on an email discussion list I read, a parent presented a problem and requested suggestions for how they might make the disposal of a child's  treasured toys  "a  cheerful event."  The parent had secretly disposed of a couple of toys, and when the child asked about them, didn't now how to put a good face on it. She said she was dealing with a "sentimental kid", who was attached to their things and didn't want to only keep  "his  favorite 5."

Don't throw away or give away someone else's things without their willing permission. Not your husband's, and not your child's. You wouldn't want someone to do that to you. And forcing him to choose to keep only his favorite 5 is cruel.

Children have strong attachments to some of their things, and you have no way of knowing which things, or just how strong the attachment is or how much it will hurt if you toss it.

It's not that children are "sentimental" but that they make sense of their world by what is in it.  They orient to their environment via the things and people in it. That's why, when they are quite young,  they are disturbed by Mom getting a radically different hairstyle. It doesn't look like Mom anymore.

Their security in the world is based on things being in the right place, and things they can rely on not changing. If you're going to change something, talk to them about it first to see if they are comfortable or not with the change.  If it bothers them don't do it if you don't have to, and make changes slowly and a small amount at a time if at all possible.

Unless your child has a huge amount of toys and possessions, you can surely box up and store in the garage, attic, basement, under the bed, on a shelf things he's not playing with presently. Then, if he asks for them, take them out and leave them out, perhaps putting something else away to have less to pick up. At some point, maybe when he's older or more secure, ask him if he's willing to part with any of them. If he isn't, then put them back and wait some more.

Nana

Welcome to The Nana Report

This is a site about children, child care, education, helping children, practical ways of dealing with children and solving the problems they and those who care for them may have.

You'll find news, opinion, how-to, and everything I can find that I think could be useful to those who love and care for children.

Any advice or opinion is here to help. If you don't think it will help, don't try it. If you're inclined to try it, test it gently at first, and always use anything you read anywhere with kindness, consideration, respect for the dignity of the child, safety, wisdom, and plenty of good common sense.

If something doesn't work, do something else.

The owner of this site takes no responsibility for results of any application of what is written here or linked to this site.

All material is copyright 2005 Patricia Gundry, all rights reserved, or copyright whoever wrote the original material. If you want to use it, other than brief quotes on your site, accurately attributed and referenced so the reader can find their way back here, you need permission from the author.

Thanks for reading this, and for visiting my blog,

Pat Gundry